The Light.

I've always loved long journeys.When i was younger,i used to keeeeep looking for lights of my city amidst the pitch black darkness while my dad drove...right now i'm in one...from the valleys of makkah through the vast empty deserts to the city of Riyadh...I love it so much,sometimes i wish it'd never end.
I look outside my window and see nothing and everything...little lights flicker here and there and quickly pass by...some daaaark huuge mountains..sometimes some treees.Far off at a distance i see some lights perhaps of another city...again pitch black darkness -its scary how you just can't see what lies beyond.
Stars, and slowly some more stars visible,until I realise I'm staring at a huuuuuge vast black dome completely lit up with tiny twinkling stars...
Same story every journey but the feeling never fades..
Slowly I realise as the vehicle keeeeps running,almost all of my life has been likewise. Dark.

The Eyes that speak.

[I write this for myself.]

Lately I have been reading a lot of shares on facebook about the Hijab and the Niqab etc etc. I'm tired wallahi. Of reading all this. No one and nothing can explain what it is about.

No I DO NOT wear my niqab for any hypothetical 'husband'. I hate this overly used statement. I'm sorry, but I don't like it. What if tomorrow, the one I marry says he doesn't want me to wear it?[La QadrAllah] What if he loves me to wear it and I wear it for him and then naudhubillah he is no more? then will I have to remove it because he is no longer alive and I had worn it just for him?

First of all, i don't like classifying. Hijabi. Niqabi. Non-Hijabi. What's this? Am sure my niqaab is equal to someone else's Hijab. Hayaa is the word for me. Hayaa. :)

In adoration deep..

Sunlight streams through the window pane
Rainbow radiant on the grass
Do you see it too?

I dreamt of stars in my room,
I dreamt of rainbow routes to cross,
Did you dream too?

I feel the rain, wet on my skin,
I feel the breeze, the serene zephyr,
Do you sense it too?

I see birds rejoice, I see children in delight,
I see the cloud in shapes
Of hearts and blooms in white.

Is it just me, or do you believe too? 
In worlds wonders,
In dreamlike fairy-tales,

In fruitful faith,
In invincible invisible Lord,

In silent sound sleep,
In love life, in adoration deep,

In sparkly treasures,
In challenges and leisure,

In endless thoughts,
In watery droughts,

In dreams, huge dreams?
To fly high, climb up high, 
To find peace, in tough times,
Flowers amidst thorns,
Smiles amidst sorrow?


:)

While The pigeons Ate To Their Fill...

Very happily she drops food for them on my window sill. Smilingly she puts a generous amount saying 'The more we put the more happy they are'. And then she drops them carefully by the corner because otherwise they'd fall down and the pigeons wouldn't be able to have enough. 'Heights of sincerity' I think to myself about my mother.

She then closes the window to my surprise. If it were me, I'd keep my window open and sit back to watch them come and eat. I'd enjoy the sight. But she says, 'They won't come and feel free. They must enjoy themselves', and quietly leaves my room. I stand there dazed. Watching through my window, shadows of pigeons fly and come towards it. One by one, a lot of them pecking food happily. And I wonder to myself, my mom doesn't even know this? She finds happiness in feeding them and contentment in just knowing that they ate to their fill even without watching them. They don't even know who does this for them. They don't even know that the ease with which they eat had been prepared for and thought of already and is not a mere coincidence.

And then I remain there watching, and thinking to myself. How many a times her kindness towards me might have gone unnoticed? I recollect all those littlest of things I took for granted- waking up and seeing that the curtains are closed so the piercing sunlight may not disturb me, the blanket is over me so I'm not feeling too cold, the garbage basket is clear and emptied, breakfast is ready, my laptop is not next to me almost dropping off my bed but nicely placed over my table, my clothes are washed, etc. etc.

A drop of tear trickles down my eyes as I slowly realize all those people in my life whose kindness and love went unnoticed. To whom my 'Sorry's' and 'Thankyous's' were left unsaid.

I learn from my mom, by this little action she does. To try to excel in the smallest of deeds. And to be there for anyone when I can be there. And to thank wholeheartedly whenever I should. And to say sorry if it can mend a relationship. And to 'not expect' from anyone. And most importantly, I learn my lesson of 'Sincerity'.

True sincerity is when you give someone and they don't even know it. When you give so much that they can't repay you. When you know that no one knows, but Allah SWT has seen you. Knowing that Him knowing is enough. Knowing that He won't let it go forgotten. THAT'S sincerity.