Perspective.

Today I looked at myself in the mirror but saw a different person. A different eye and a different face. Today I didnt look at my reflection..But my reflection looked at me. :)

Remorse.

A crimson sun sets upon the silent horizon. Tired, he enters their old tattered house. The smile on her face lights him up for no reason. And then all weariness sheds away as he hears two words from her pink and still fresh lips. 'I'm expecting' she says. A curve is drawn upon his golden brown face. He kisses her forehead. Months later, he waits outside the labor room in anxiety. He walks from one end to the other of the dreary passageway. Half an hour later, a voice calls him in. 'Congratulations sir, It's a baby girl' it says and vanishes across the room. They place a bundle upon his hefty hands and leave. For two minutes he stares at the wide open eyes of this little life. She smiles at him. Tears trickle down his soft cheeks as he places her beside her mother. 'She'll be a Doctor!', she says. 'No! Lawyer', he smiles as he says to her. Together they molded every part of the little girl. Every step rethought. Everything carefully planned. Sacrifices made. All for the best of their daughter.

Together they hung the first drawing she made on the refrigerator. She felt elated and made another one. They gifted her a kitten when they discovered she loved cats. They thought it'd teach her kindness towards everything. They made her favorite cake. They made the little things special for her. They never missed her name in their prayers. Even when she wanted to win her first running race, she asked them to pray and they did. They kissed her goodnight every night and made her feel loved, even if she was already asleep. They cried when she lost, but showed her that strength lies in the effort, not the result. They taught her patience by just being who they were. They bought fluorescent stars and put them up the ceiling simply because she loved the stars. They bought her favorite swimsuit, even though they didn't like it. They carefully chose almost every thing for her in her life.

Days passed by and the time came when they didn't even realize after all the bottle feeding, back to school rides, cycling and swimming lessons, barbeques in the park, badminton games, coffee treats, cries and fights, midnight drives, surprise parties, and every single night when they put the blanket over her...she has grown up now.

To leave. And without second thoughts, she just left. Left behind all those memories. All that love and care. To live a life of her own. Only if she realized she will lose everything. And that to them, she can never ever repay back their love.

She can try to be everything they wanted her to be, but she can only try. She can never ever heal those broken wounds. Mend those broken glasses. Or give life to the now wrinkled hands that once molded her soul.

:'(

A longing to meet.

I yearn for you in my dreams

To talk to you and tell you things

And ask you a million new

To look up to you, just observe you

To see how you just do what you do

I yearn for you in my dreams

See your face and stare at you

To feel that sense of being heard

To experience the Almighty talk to you

To hear the story of every bird

To see in Jannah, your home's view

O the One who makes beautiful dreams

I make to you a humble plea

Show this heart what it longs to see

Of love that can't be reached

Of hearts that can't be touched

Khadija, Maryam, Aisha and Muhammad

Asiya, Yusuf, all of them and ALL of them

For they can only exist in my dreams

They can only exist in my dreams..

Of Pain In Comfort.

While my head talks to me non-stop of the million things it has in it I decide to shoo it all away just by going to my mother. I lay next to her and hug her tight. I find enough space for myself and adjust myself swiftly and comfortably by her side.  I sense a magical feeling. I smell her scent. I feel her warmth. I don't understand what's happening. All that stress flees from my mind. Peace. Slowly but deeply, I fall asleep. Without any effort.

I closed my eyes and a picture came to my mind. Of another boy in the same land that I stand on, far far away, also hugging his  mother. He quickly wraps himself around her. He too, doesn't seem to understand what is happening. He smells her blood. He smells her tears, her sweat. He senses her pain. Slowly, but deeply, he falls asleep. Without any reason. :'(

Syria

Palestine

Palestine

Burma

Kashmir

 

Kashmir

And so on...  And so on?

'اللهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الإِسْلامَ وَالمُسْلِمِينَ'

'O Allah! Raise the standing of Islam and the Muslims.' 

 وَدَمِّرْ أَعْدآءَ الدِّينِ وَاحْمِ حَوْزَةَ الإسْلامِ يَا رَبَّ '
'العَالَمِينَ
'Destroy the enemies of the Deen, and protect the lands of Islam, O Lord of the Worlds.'

Dua ;)

Today i remembered how truly madly deeply i wanted something. Made a beautiful dua for it.
I don't know if I'll remember this years later. But I know He won't forget. So I asked Him now itself.  :P He never forgets.
Point is, even when we forget what we want, He won't. So never underestimate the power of dua. Keep talking to Him. In every you-ish way :)

If I could...

If I could, I'd kiss and hug and thank my mom a lot more often..

If I could, I'd learn more languages  from every new friend I made..

If I could, I'd buy an ice cream from the ice cream vendor simply to make his day..

If I could, I'd go back in time and hug my favorite math teacher and tell her I loved her..

If I could, I'd tell someone how deeply I loved them..

If I could, I'd tell my dad in detail how he molded every part of me in my life..

If I could, I'd strive hard to get back my favorite childhood book 'The long walk'..
If I could, I'd miss a flight simply to stay back home a little longer..

If I could, I'd talk to the birds..

If I could, I'd find out what would be the best present for Him and prepare it in the best of ways to hand over to Him..

If I could, I'd kiss the stars 'goodnight' every single night..

If I could, I'd never stay in the same place..

If I could, I'd fly..

In Search Of The Unknown Treasure..

Desperately finding her purpose. Unraveling her hidden mystery. Looking for the lyrics of her unsung song. Time to break the wall she built. Around herself.

She's looking for the perfect treasure to hand over to her Lord when she meets Him. Can't seem to find it. A sense of urgency makes her feel overwhelmed. With sorrow. But also in happiness. 
I don't know.

I lay is silence. And I cannot sleep. I walk. But lost in thoughts. I can't stop. Every second that the clock ticks, I hear it. It feels like I'm in a cliche movie. Life is moving on. I left a trail of my own footstep last night. And today it is gone.

I always felt He placed me in beautiful paintings. Only now I realize how wrong I was. I have been put in this empty canvas for me to paint all this while. Years have passed, and i haven't even found my paints yet. What about the painting? I left that for tomorrow. There is still time.

But that 'tomorrow' now feels so uncertain. I long to dream. And truly believe in it coming true. Until now I found complacency in Allah SWT. Now my mind debates back to me. If I don't break barriers I built around myself, how am I going to go ahead and do it for Him. He is there. But I am not doing enough. I still don't believe in myself enough. And this thought is depressing. Lived in delusion all this while. It now hits me and I can't wait no more.

This longing. This yearning for it. It is there, I just can't seem to see it. Feel it. find it.

What is it?

Will she find it before the pen stops writing her story? Will she meet her Lord without accomplishing anything of significance? Or will she find the treasure and wrap it up beautifully with the best perfume she finds?

Are we really in pain?

The body retires. Yet the mind cannot stop worrying. The heart bleeds with ache. The soul yearns for their release. Their release from torture. Their release from injustice. Their release from the burden they didn't chose to bear. How can I sleep while my brothers and sisters out there are staying up fighting? I can't.

When yesterday you told yourself 'I don't deserve this attitude they give me' or 'I don't deserve this/that'. Have you thought about all those myriad things you don't deserve, but you have? Do we deserve to wake up so comfortable in our beds? Do we deserve to have coffee WITH sugar? Do we deserve to drink clean water? Do we deserve to get meal three times a day? Do we deserve to be loved? Do we deserve to have books AND study them? Do we deserve this knowledge? Do we deserve this deen?

Love.

For how long will we toil?

Isn't it enough already? Sleepless nights. Hopeless cries. Why?

Why are we so lost in the oceans of love, in the myriad expectations, in the tireless toils for attention? For love?

Love is there. Clear and here. Then why are we walking running around this endless path of restlessness?

Imagine a fork in the road. Two paths, two different journeys. Both look the same. But for one, you can see the end. You can see some light. The scenery. The view. The road is lit up. The trees are green. the sky is fresh and blue. But the path is less travelled by. Then you look at the other road. The same. Trees. Leaves. But no lights. You can't see where it ends. It goes on. It looks beautiful. But you can't see where it goes.

Love. Where are we heading with this? Without doubt, we all look for it. Yearn for it. Question is why are we? Why are we hunting for flowers while the most beautiful and the perfect rose is just in our backyard?