If my eyes went blind tomorrow..

A question: If I couldn't see tomorrow..
what would I have longed to see?


If I couldn't see tomorrow
I would yearn to see my mother's smile
while I pressed her feet..
And would long to see my fathers laughter
while I joked to him..

If I couldn't see tomorrow
I would cry and wish to read more books
I would want to write and learn and paint and beautify my walls


If my eyes went blind tomorrow
I would have wanted that one last look into the mirror
To see myself without any complaints
I'd know that it was always an image, while what looked at it was a soul

If my eyes went blind tomorrow
I would miss the sky's cerulean blue and the cloud's white shapes

A blue scarf or a turquoise- it wouldn't have mattered to me

What would have mattered would be my Hijab in its place

If I couldn't see tomorrow

I would tell every friend of mine

That I still thought they were beautiful in their own ways

And to some of them I'd say

Being themselves was the best they were

If I couldn't see tomorrow,
I would have wished to have been careful with my gaze
While I had the chance
I would have wished to make the best of everything I had

If my eyes went blind tomorrow
I would have known how it felt to see
I would know how it felt to not
And I would know...that you can't blind me
After You had shown me the light

If my eyes went blind tomorrow
If darkness was my only light
If light, felt forgotten..
If my name just became a sympathy
If my dreams just remained dreams

I would know that yesterday I could have seen
and now my eyes just went blind.

So maybe I would have lived life to the fullest
Even when I have lost my sight
Then why wait for all that until I couldn't see?

But what if...

you couldn't find me tomorrow

Would I have made that bit of a difference

that you would have looked for me?

And then again, I ask,

If you knew you couldn't see tomorrow, 

Then...

What would you have done today?

Who are you? Who will you be?

Question: what would you do if you weren't afraid?

Me: I'd love.

I wanted to tell you how it felt to feel infinity wen I floated in the sea.
Thought i would hold your hands and we'd feel it together
I would tell you of the diving against the tide
Of the sky n sea ahead
Of the sunset above the horizon
Of the pink shade above the clouds..
Of peace in being able to hear nothing but my breathing while i floated and looked up at the blue..
I would tell you about the dreams I saw of gardens and flowers in them..and of waves and beautiful fishes in them and of palaces and my repeated dreams of them.
And then I would tell you of those dreams that came true.
I would think of you in my roadtrips and hoped you loved them too.
I wanted to sing to you sometimes. And sometimes I wished you were there to sing to me.
I would walk by the shore..leaving trails of my footsteps and wished they were accompanied by yours soon.

I would race with you and know I'd win. ;)
I sat by the rocks and drew a picture of you and me but the waves washed it away.i wished to tell you a million things more while you are sitting by my side.

I hoped you would hold my hands and  promise to take me forever. I simply wish I could talk to you of the simplest of things in life. I simply hoped to find a companion in you.

I wish I knew who you were. And then again I wonder if you ever wished the same too.

They will learn. Differently.

One thing is for sure. I will teach my children differently.

They will be happy for real. They will find joy in their own way. They will have the freedom to choose. They will travel the world with me. Or maybe on their own too. They will explore. They will not be given ipods and ipads until they know they have grown up. They will feel the sand in the beach; the shore and the sea. They will play in the playgrounds. They will have quality time with family. They will speak openly anything and everything to me. They will have a mutual best friend in their family. They will know to fight for their sister. They will paint their walls if they want to. They will make sandcastles. They will fly kites. They will go cycling and skating. They will learn to say 'i love you' and 'Sorry' a lot more. They will know that actions speak more than those words. They will learn to cuddle, to hug and to feel love for real. They will learn that Quran is their guide. They will have to turn to it at all times. They will see to stand up to the Sunnah even if it meant to stand alone. I will learn to realize they can grow up to make decisions. They can be on their own as long as they are trusted. They can fall in love as long as they are honest and committed. They will see the ups in life. They will also see the downs. They will learn to give wholeheartedly. They will learn to receive humbly. They will learn to buy gifts. They will learn to make their own hobbies. They will learn to bake. They will learn to gain knowledge and not just educational degrees. They will choose their own struggles. They will fight their own battles. They will know about writing letters. Messages in a bottle will be their own. They will visit their grandparents often. They will learn to sew if they’d like their own dresses. They will learn to write if they’d want to read more. They will make their own library at home. They will learn to lead prayers. They will learn to teach. They will learn to make mistakes. They will learn to learn. They will learn to get scared. They will learn to be strong. They will learn to complain. They will learn to forgive. Most of all, they will learn the insignificance of this life. Yet they will learn to be concerned when they need to be.They will learn to connect to Allah alone. They will learn to ask from Him. They will learn to let go.

They will learn to live life to the fullest. They will perhaps live a part of my life. And perhaps they will live a lot more!

Hussaina and Me: Jubail beach. [My fav pic]

The same souls. The same laughter.

Writers..

"Writers are forgetful,

but they remember everything.
They forget appointments and anniversaries,
but remember what you wore,
how you smelled,
on your first date…
They remember every story you’ve ever told them -
like ever,
but forget what you’ve just said.
They don’t remember to water the plants
or take out the trash,
but they don’t forget how
to make you laugh.

Writers are forgetful
because
they’re busy
remembering
the important things."

Stolen from sisters tumblr.  [http://girlinthegreenhijab.tumblr.com/]

I write..

"Where do you go when you really want to express your feelings and there isn't anyone who would talk to you?", she asked.

'I write' i replied.

"How still, do you feel you have expressed yourself?"

'When you write a piece, you have lost a part of you. Given it to the paper. Sometimes its read. Sometimes its taken away by the one you intended to write if for. Taken away and fixed into their soul', I replied.

'When you write..you release a part of you into the paper. To be read by the world that would have never known what was within you.

I know I would never know who reads, but I also know that if I write praying the intended ones to read, then Allah would somehow take it to them..so I write and say a million things to them in my head.'