Desperately finding her purpose. Unraveling her hidden mystery. Looking for the lyrics of her unsung song. Time to break the wall she built. Around herself.
She's looking for the perfect treasure to hand over to her Lord when she meets Him. Can't seem to find it. A sense of urgency makes her feel overwhelmed. With sorrow. But also in happiness.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I lay is silence. And I cannot sleep. I walk. But lost in thoughts. I can't stop. Every second that the clock ticks, I hear it. It feels like I'm in a cliche movie. Life is moving on. I left a trail of my own footstep last night. And today it is gone.
I always felt He placed me in beautiful paintings. Only now I realize how wrong I was. I have been put in this empty canvas for me to paint all this while. Years have passed, and i haven't even found my paints yet. What about the painting? I left that for tomorrow. There is still time.
But that 'tomorrow' now feels so uncertain. I long to dream. And truly believe in it coming true. Until now I found complacency in Allah SWT. Now my mind debates back to me. If I don't break barriers I built around myself, how am I going to go ahead and do it for Him. He is there. But I am not doing enough. I still don't believe in myself enough. And this thought is depressing. Lived in delusion all this while. It now hits me and I can't wait no more.
This longing. This yearning for it. It is there, I just can't seem to see it. Feel it. find it.
What is it?
Will she find it before the pen stops writing her story? Will she meet her Lord without accomplishing anything of significance? Or will she find the treasure and wrap it up beautifully with the best perfume she finds?
Will she find it before the pen stops writing her story? Will she meet her Lord without accomplishing anything of significance? Or will she find the treasure and wrap it up beautifully with the best perfume she finds?
The self-realization and retrospection she has achieved,is itself a sign of working her way out to reach Lord Almighty.. and when the first footstep is taken, the journey has already begun! But this journey and everything that comes along will remain silent; without any indication whether the path chosen is correct or not; coz the destination/reward which HE is to give her is so enormous.. that its magnitude can only be understood after this life ends..after she witnesses it herself..when the reward she is granted (InshaAllah) will be so surreal and unbelieveable..and then only then will this nomad find peace and its ultimate destination:-)
ReplyDeleteSoo beautifully written,masha'Allah. Jazakillah khair.
Deleteinsha'Allah! :')
The thing with the writer is to say what masses are unable to articulate. And with this piece woven thick and intricate with emotions, i am sure you have arrived to win mass conviction. Everyone can relate to this, well i did.
ReplyDeleteHow honest you are to your pen and your pen is to you. Very few are, wallah. You have a gift, mashaAllah and you have got yourself a fan. haha. :P
Seriously? I dream to write and speak my silence..You just made my day coz honestly I LOVE your writings.Masha'Allah. May Allah bless you! :')
Delete