The Eyes that speak.

[I write this for myself.]

Lately I have been reading a lot of shares on facebook about the Hijab and the Niqab etc etc. I'm tired wallahi. Of reading all this. No one and nothing can explain what it is about.

No I DO NOT wear my niqab for any hypothetical 'husband'. I hate this overly used statement. I'm sorry, but I don't like it. What if tomorrow, the one I marry says he doesn't want me to wear it?[La QadrAllah] What if he loves me to wear it and I wear it for him and then naudhubillah he is no more? then will I have to remove it because he is no longer alive and I had worn it just for him?

First of all, i don't like classifying. Hijabi. Niqabi. Non-Hijabi. What's this? Am sure my niqaab is equal to someone else's Hijab. Hayaa is the word for me. Hayaa. :)

He has made it clear to me. My purpose of wearing it is not just to please someone who Allah created. Cleary and undoubtedly, it is to please Allah himself. I wear it to achieve inner Hayaa. The Hayaa that I longed for after reading about its reward. Its reward from Him. Its love from Him. Its beautiful nature in itself. Hayaa that wasn't there only with that Hijab on (for me). Hayaa within my mind and soul. To think with hayaa. To act with Hayaa. To just HAVE hayaa. Not just in my appearance. I cried in the nights to find that Hayaa. And He answered my prayers through the Niqaab. And THAT is what I know. I know myself, and I know I need to wear the Niqaab for my own Iman. I still strive to achieve it.

I wish and hope that out of all these days, there is ONE day that Allah SWT sees my sincerity and accepts it from me and frees me from the Hellfire.

I feel, but cannot in ANY WAY explain the sweetness of it. It's a sweet feeling. Alhumdulillah. Simply because it isn't directed to any mortal, but directly dedicated and devoted to the One and Only Al Wudood.

My Niqaab. A single. Little. EXTRA. step. [Just like it's the beard for a man, i guess?]

Because Allah doesn't neglect even the littlest of deeds we do for Him. 

And to that overly used statement I mentioned up: Sometimes, I wonder how can a man ever fall in love with a niqaabi? It didn't take me much before I realized that it actually takes a MAN to fall in love with one. :)

The Judgement Issue-A very Crucial thing:

Today, while I set foot outside my door with the Niqaab on, I cannot look down upon ANY other woman. I m not God. And that's a reminder. I was once like them and it is Allah who granted His favor upon me. And I don't know which one among them, niqabi or not, hijabi or not, is much more beloved to Him than me. Everyone has their own struggles. And so do I. Me being a Niqabi doesn't at any cost make a better Muslimah UNLESS Allah SWT thought so. And THAT, I will never ever know. This is a reminder for me. If He didn't grant its sweetness to me, I wouldn't be here. Writing this.

So when I thank Him for the Niqab. I dont mean 'Thankyou Allah!'. I mean, using it in the 'right' way. Wearing it every day with a renewed intention. With the feeling of doing that little extra step. With a new me inside.

VIP- very important piece :D

I give my niqab its special treatment. A little bucket just for itself. Detergent and comforter that smells amazing. Gently place my niqaab. Wash wash wash. Need I say more? It's special. and it deserves its special treatment.

lol.

See? I'm still me.

The Personality Issue-

Here's the catch. I am sure Every-Single-Niqabi-Who-chose-to-do-the-niqab-on-her-own, goes through this. 'Don't you feel hot?' 'So you won't listen to music anymore?' 'I miss the YOU you were' [this really touched me] 'So, you won't talk to men?' 'Why do you cut yourself out from the society?' Some go to the extremes and make it a point to only talk about Islam to me! 'Do you take it as Fardh?' 'Won't it be difficult for you to get married' [Trust me, I don't like this one.]

I truly believe I am the same as I was BEFORE I put on this extra clothing. In terms of my character.

I play with kids. I stare at the sky. I love the stars. I go wild shopping. I make spontaneous decisions simply to live life to the fullest. I get high! I run. I walk. lol. See? I even lol. :D I talk to men when necessary. Yes, I don't flirt and I don't give anyone the chance to. I do fall in love. But I know who to turn to afterwards. I love driving. I don't mind partying. I socialize. A Lot. I do not cut myself out from the society. Wallahi, I went Jungle trekking and cave hiking with it on! I do go to the theater for animation movies sometimes. I love my family. I still show a LOT of love. I express. I express through my eyes. ;)

The Niqab has been a beautiful Journey and I will tread on it for as long as it will remain what it is. iA.

And the eyes that speak. Will only touch the heart that wants to listen...

Allah Musta'an.