Painful Peace..

In painful peace I bleed
Only You see my cry
Yet in Your creation I have greed..
But only You can help me try

I look around and try so hard
To fill my heart with peace
To fill this void with love
I turn away and run from You
Yet there is no refuge from You except in You

I run away and I look for happiness
In temporary joy I float...
I hold on to it and hold it tight
But it just leaves me alone

Most of my pain is self chosen
If I could, I should chose to let go
Of the poison in my drink
Of the attachment I linger in

So forgotten I feel..
So insignificant I seem..
Perhaps my aim was mistaken
Perhaps I searched in the wrong places

You honored me with Your gift
Yet, too long it took me to see it.
I crushed the flower You gifted me
Yet, still I live with its essence in my hands

I stay with hope to feel touched
By the promise You made was true
I wander around, I pray desperately
In shattered hope of getting back to You

You said You'll run to me if I walk to You

But what if I'm still crawling?

If crawling lets me bend down, fall on my knees

Then to You I bow begging

"Give up! Its futile to try!" My mind says
Yet, still..my heart talks to me,
"A little effort goes a long way"
It stirs some hope in me

Shall I hang on?

To this rope of hope, so thin.

As long as You are at the other end of it.

Painful is my sorrow
Peaceful is my hope
In painful peace I bleed
And only You see me cry

All I have to do is try
All I had to do was try..

 

Note: The flower here refers to Islam. Gifted by Allah.