Ya rabb...this is between you and me..and I truly know i don't deserve all this love. I cannot understand how people would love someone like me n make time for me. Not just make time for me but also make it special for me in every possible way. I know my reality. N it doesn't deserve even a speck of this. I haven't earned anything. But it is you ya Allah who put love in the hearts of those i love. It is You, ya alwudood...enveloping me with it. And i bow down in humility to You, and thank You and beg of Your forgiveness for granting me without me asking, and amidst all the love i received today, I seek the love of You ya AlWadood, the giver of All love that's sufficient.
To that feeling when I stood in front of a pile of books
stacked in that Ustadh's shelf. And felt blank. How I know nothing , not even to
understand what I read in front of me and yet how I wish to learn so much!
Really… I see an ocean in front of me, and I feel like a thirsty empty vessel
desperately desiring to grasp it all…
This is really a long journey to embark on. But this is not impossible.
This is the beginning and one day I will look back to this day, when I’m
drowned deep in that ocean, far far away… I know I’ll get there one day. inshaAllah.
And when I do look back, and then look ahead, I’ll still feel
the same, and be the same thirsty empty vessel.
Why do I want this?
I want this so bad. Because I feel like I've become
stagnant. In my eman.
I want my eman to rise with the light of His knowledge.
And everytime I Err, or sin or think of sinning, I want
knowledge to remind me of Him.
I want to KNOW what I do, why I’m doing it, and how to do it
in the way that pleases Allah swt. In whatever I do.
I want to have answers when my children ask me.
I want to know.
I want to learn more n more of Him, to increase in my love
and fear of Him.
I want my heart to feel alive. Its dead. I want to know how
to live.
And if possible, I want to connect people around me to the Most Beaaaaaaaaaaaaaautiful connection of all. In whichever way I can. I want this so much.
I want to tread the path of knowledge, for it’s the path to
Jannah and I want Jannah real bad.
I HAVE to look back to this day. To remind myself WHY I ever
tread on this path. No matter how difficult it gets. I shouldn't give up. And no
matter how easy it gets, I shouldn't become arrogant.
The funny thing is, what I felt today is what I felt 8 years
ago, back in my home, when I stood there, staring at my shelf of books that I
had wanted to learn. I look back to that day now, and I realize I’ve read them all. Yet
I think this feeling will never change. And it shouldn't. inshaAllah....
O Allah! Make me eligible to receive the light of your knowledge and utilize it to Your pleasure. Ameen....
One day, we'll wipe each others worries away.h
I'd love to plunge deep into your soul and know what its trying to scream. When you're low, I'd go into the cracks of your wounds and see what you have written on them. I wish to even soothen it sometimes. When you're happier, I'd climb on the clouds that your heart floats on and feel the air with you.
N I really really hope,
you will too,
for me.
"The day you sat by me
And the Stars witnessed,
The tremors of my heart;
The whispers of my soul,
And your eyes,
Soft and Tender
Held a promise
Of love that would never go...."
Pondering, and learning about the contribution of women to knowledge, to the society, to the collection of dozen billion books that we have today, which if not for them, we wouldn’t have had them…..Been wondering what happened to our current society. We’ve certainly gone wrong somewhere. Somewhere a woman’s dreams die behind a closed door, beneath a crimson veil, below a culture’s coat. Lost in the pool of responsibilities shoved on her, she not only forgets the woman she once was, but also forgets who she wanted to be… Lets stop blaming anything. And go back to phase zero. And treat women like the RasoolAllah SAW did. Treat OURSELVES like he did, and just grow. There is nothing stopping us from growing, but ourselves.
“There are few needs greater right now in the Muslim community, than the training, education, and encouragement for women to become fully-trained Islamic scholars. Not complainers who write articles about why men suck, getting fame from it and rallying others on the “men are terrible” bandwagon to build their fan-base. Not people who are only doing it because of a deep seated resentment towards men and their supposed power.
But Scholars. Educated leaders who became trained because of their love for the knowledge that Rasulullah (s) brought to us and their desire to be part of that inheritance for the sake of God.
Women who command authority with ijaazah from a chain that connects them to Rasulullah’s (s) inheritance. Women who can give fatwa. Women who young sisters can call at anytime to receive advice. Women who can speak not only about women’s issues, but are both educated in the tradition, and aware of the world – such that they can tackle issues concerning multiple spheres at once.
As the father of two daughters, I cannot imagine a need more great. I am blessed to know dozens of qualified people I can call, text, email, or whatsapp at the drop of a hat if I have a faith crisis (God protect me). Do our sisters? Our daughters? I want my daughters to have the same level of comfort with teachers in the Deen that I have. There are so few. The ones I know of that are driven by Islamic values and not bitterly rooted gender or race bias, are game-changing figures on the scene of the community and are doing amazing work.” [Abdul Sattar]
It is so sad that something that was so natural during the time of the Prophet SAW, is now not only ‘fought for’ but also conveniently shoved under the umbrella of ‘feminism’.
#EnoughSaid
Coming Up- Let me grow Part 2: ‘Stories of women no one tells you about.’
Leaving a second home, my college in Malaysia, already was
hard. Leaving behind friends, a family for life, the lifestyle, the freedom,
the independence, I was travelling back home leaving one world, to my parents,
my other world. I was finally delighted to meet my parents after counting
months, to weeks, to days, finally counting hours to meet them and hug them
tight and not let them go. Little did I know the amazing experience of having
learnt abroad for three and half years in Malaysia- deen, ethics, faith in
Allah SWT- would all be put into a test within this one day.
I was taking the Saudia flight to Riyadh directly. Without
informing me, Saudia itself changed my itinerary to taking two flights that
included a transit via Jeddah, and the time difference between the two flights
were fifteen minutes. Yeah! You read that right. Just fifteen minutes. So where
am I going with this story?
After repeated warnings from my dad and sister about being
quick and pro-active in claiming my luggage and checking in to the domestics
flight and making sure I don’t miss the flight, I was sure I did everything
correctly. I ran as fast as I could with 60kgs of luggage in my trolley,
enquired the officers about my way to the domestic terminal. Rushed and quickly took the elevator to the
second level and I was sure I could check in on time and rush to the gate. I was
actually proud of myself that for once, I would have made my parents proud with
how responsible I was. Nope. I missed
the flight. At the check-in counter I was told the gate just closed and I needed
some sort of a tag on my baggage which was pointless now because I missed the
flight.
I went running up and down, from one officer to another,
asking what is to be done. There must be a procedure. It was their fault to
have changed my itinerary to an impractical timing. But to no avail. When no
one was ready to help, stranded in a strange place, alone with no one by my
side, people staring at me taking rounds around them with all my baggage and a
little secret recipe cake I got for my family, I had no money to quench my
thirst even, how would I buy a new ticket to home? I didn’t want to show anyone
I was lost, because I was alone and I heard stories of people taking advantage
of girls who were alone and needed help. I had no local sim card on my phone to
contact my family and ask them not to go to the airport to receive me, because
I wasn’t flying, I suddenly didn’t know what to do.
My next step was simple. The call for the isha athaan was made and
there was a comfortable prayer area for females. I needed to finish my Maghrib in
the form of Qasr as well. So I decided to accept this situation I was in, as
the Qadr of Allah, since I did everything possible in my hands to not let this
happen, but it did. I said to myself ‘Qadr Allah wa maa shaa fa’al” . I went to
the prayer area, made ablution, and took my time away from everything in this
world. Yes, I was worried about how am I to go home, I missed home. I was tired
from an eight hour flight already and I needed sleep and I just needed to see
mom and dad. But keeping away all worries, I just stood in front of Him. It was
the same Isha prayer, but a totally different me. I stood there, seeing how Big
Allah SWT was and how helpless I was. How I needed Him. How anything was
possible for Him, while I had nothing in hand. And so I spoke to Him in my
Sujood. Told Him exactly these words- ‘Ya
Allah, I really have nothing in my hand. I see no way out of this and Only You
can help me. I didn’t put myself in this situation and I don’t want to worry my
parents. Take me out of this situation and guide me to my way home, ya Rab!’
After resting a bit, I had to do something now to get out of
there or at least let my parents know. I had friends in Jeddah but only their
Malaysian phone numbers. No one would lend me their phone for an international
call now. I walked out again, from one office to another, tired now with all
the luggage. Still no one ready to help. Now my concern wasn’t about going
home, but about my parents waiting in vain for me troubled about my absence. I
needed to tell them and so I decided to look for someone to borrow a phone
from. One missed call to my parents will do, I thought. They’ll call me back
and I’ll tell them we will figure a way out.
I looked around and whispered in my head for Allah to guide me to the
right people to go to. ‘Them?’ I asked myself, looking at an Asian looking old
couple. ‘yeah, maybe’ I thought to myself and advanced towards them. I stood in
front of them for five minutes, not having the courage to ask for help. I didn’t
know if they would trust me. Right then, two children come running towards two
other ladies sitting next to this couple screaming ‘Mama dekho! Mama dekho!’ (meaning
in in Urdu: mummy, see!) Something suddenly pushed me to go to them instead. So
I went to them and asked them politely if they spoke Urdu just to bond with
them, and they nodded. Told them of my situation and they lent me their phone
to inform my father. And then their family arrived from Pakistan so they had to
go and so they left. I told them if my dad called back to tell him I was fine
and am figuring a way out. While I sat there wondering what to do, surprisingly,
five minutes later, they come back for me. She said to me I was alone and it
wasn’t right to leave me just like that. Their uncle told them not to leave the
airport until they were sure I was in safe hands. Shocked by the kindness of a stranger,
I grabbed all their help with humility.
It took us two hours, and not only did they buy me a new
ticket, a new simcard to call dad, gave me some money in hand to buy food or
water, ran again from one office to another to ensure I get a seat in the next
flight, waited with me for the seat confirmation while I bugged the Duty
Manager every ten minutes, but also gave me so much moral support and told me
not to despair. They had four small children waiting for them without dinner
and they missed their family re-union at dinner as their aunt just arrived from
Pakistan.
Indeed, Allah SWT sent me help.
When I told her, I really couldn’t thank her enough and was
forever indebted to her, her reply brought me to tears. She said, and she said it without
any hesitance, ‘I don’t even want the
money back please just pray that my children grow up as righteous kids in this
world full of distractions, and as Allah said to help a traveller, I am glad I
got this chance to help you’
Simple words she said with so much ease but was so heavy on
me. To this day, while I type from home, I remember her beautiful face and her
beautiful character. She taught me so much in those words. I pray Allah SWT makes her children righteous and beloved
to Him, and they walk to Jannah together. Ameen.
This may be a simple story of missing my flight, yet to me
it was more: of trust in Allah SWT, of sincerity in helping someone in need and
most of all, of displaying excellent character, that I saw in them.
Reflection: In reality, we all have missed our flights that we are yet to take to the Real Home. Only how many of us paid attention to His help? He guides us to it, in every moment we ask Him. We are indeed just travellers lost in this transit. Think about this.
One day will come when we will realize that while we remained sitting in the train, everyone walked ahead of us. We thought we were learning, but we really didn't. We thought we were teaching, but what did we gain?
One day will come when we finally will realize that all this time we pointed fingers without realizing and forgot to look at the mirror ourselves.
One day will come, when everyone except us would have benefited .
One day will come come, when we will think of starting over again. When we'll realize that all those lessons were for us and not for them anyway.
In the end the battle was ours. And while everyone fought their way and shone, we were still sitting in the borderline waiting for something that wasn't going to happen.
We didn't know but one day will come when we will.
What I mean is, most often we forget, what we do is for us. what we say, is for us to follow first. It has become easy for us to share statuses n qoutes and sayings for the world to benefit. Question is, how much are we paying heed.
We learn so much. Isn't it time to think and act differently? ;)
Each one of us is unique. Allah SWT has gifted each one of us with different talents. Embrace your talent. And let it grow.
Why?
Each one of us are created for a specific purpose. Perhaps that talent we are gifted with is the tool. Question yourself everyday, "What is my 'specific' purpose in life?" and you'll never be at peace.
Why?
Because there is so much to do. This world is in ruins. Shine, and shape this world. Don't let it shape you. ;)
Beautifully compiled video for anyone who is going through trials upon trials.
The simplest and most straightforward explanation of a believer's life: Perception of how one looks at things. Every trial is only a means to get closer to Allah SWT, to be purified to go to the most purest of places (Jannah), and expiation of sins. Thats it. Nothing else matters.
Alhamdulillah for every trial and for every ease in this worthless Dunya. :')
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SplxgG6rx5o
Some transcription from the video:
Pain and suffering only becomes negative if it creates a
barrier between you and Allah SWT
But it becomes positive, a motivation for you when it brings
you back to Allah SWT.
And this is when every individual who is going through pain
and suffering needs to realize that this point of pain is not that Allah SWT
wants to punish you but rather this is a call form Allah SWT, “O MY SLAVE, COME
BACK TO YOUR LORD!” O my Slave, this is a reminder for you that I want to bring
you back to Me.
And this is one of the wisdoms of trials and tribulations
that while we call each other on the phone, while we text message each other,
the calling of Allah SWT comes through trials and tribulations.
And you can react in one of two ways: Either you can deal
with the pain at that moment and decide to get closer to Allah SWT. Or you can
decide to just restrict that pain to yourself, not do anything about it, and
then you will see, what it does to your deen. And this is the last stage of the
cycle of isolation. That once you are isolated, you will see that eventually
your deen starts to disappear. The content of your salah, the khushu in it, it disappears.
Your ability to recite Quran is no longer there. Your ability to fast during
the day, it gets taken away. What did you do differently? What you did was, you
gave yourself into shaitan. And shaitan's promise is that he will lead you
astray. He will lead you away from the path of Allah SWT.
So in times of trials and tribulations, you need to seek out
the believers. You need to seek out the righteous. And let them be your guide
and help to Allah SWT.
There is actually a blessing inside trials that we don’t perceive.
The simplest trial that an individual will go through is that he is walking on
the road, and he gets pricked by a thorn, and cause him to say ‘ouch!’ but its
only for a split second. The Prophet SAW said, ‘That no individual is pricked
by a thorn, except that Allah SWT purifies him with a sin for it”
Trials and tribulations are a means of purification. They
are a means of purifying you so you can go to the purest of places.
The punishment of Allah is not out of anger or wrath, but
rather is a means of cleansing you of your sins. It’s a preparation so that you
can go to the noblest and purest places- Al firdaus al ala.
And this is why Allah swt sends trials and tribulations.
So don’t sit there and wonder why Allah put you in the
situation you are in. There is no way you gonna figure it out. But Allah says
in the Quran that Allah will make it absolutely clear. Why certain things happened
to you in this world. If He tells you now, the test wouldn’t be the test.
Allah azza wa jal is choosing the most closest to Him
because Allah SWT not only wants to give them the high darajah, and not only
wants to give him that high station, and high rank in front of Him, but Allah
SWT wants to also make him an example for other people, and he wants to make
them people who actually produce and show that they have got a reason to go to
jannah.
The Prophet SAW said, “ A believers affair is strange, when
Allah blesses him with something good, and he thanks Allah, He enjoys the
goodness Allah has given him. And allah rewards him. By thanking Allah he is
getting more reward from Allah. And then when Allah takes something away, and
replaces it with hardship, he makes sabr, and is getting so much reward from
Allah. The reward Allah will give the people who make sabr, will have no limits
and no bounds. (bi ghairi hisaab)
Allah sends hardship to get you in track. You haven’t made
dua in a long time. Rush back to Allah.
Sometimes, we only come the hardway. We
have to be stuck between a rock and a hard place, to remember Allah SWT. And He
opens the way for that. He sends us hardships to perfect us.
Tonnes of benefits in these hardships. The hardshop comes and
its good for you. Because its pain. But pain is weakness leaving the body they
say. If it doesn’t break you it makes you stronger.
Don’t we know the stories of the Anbiya AS. They were the
ones that were tested the most. Yet they never turned away from Allah SWT.
A little bit of difficulty comes, and we straight away ask ‘What
have I done wrong? I prayed my 5 prayers. I give charity. I do this. I do that.
Why has Allah picked on me? ‘
Why not us?
If allah SWT tested the anbiya, why cant He test us?
Allah swt says in surah baqarah 156, “Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allah we belong
and truly, to Him we shall return."
In every tribulation you have in life, you can either turn
back t Allah swt or you can turn away.
Allah gives difficulty to purify the muslims. And just like
a diamond comes out of a coal, after heat and pressure, thus the believer comes
out of his trials and tribulation. Purified and beautiful and invaluable. This
is the state of the believer.
So number 1: Allah tests the believers to purify them
Number 2: Allah SWT purifies the sins of the muslim in the time of
tribulation if he is patient.
Number 3: Allah SWT wants to bring his slaves closer to Him. Through
trials and tribulations. Allah wants you to be close to Him. He wants you to
increase in the Ibadah. He wants you to remember him more.
In that state of trial and tribulation, you feel weak, you
feel helpless. And thus you turn back to Allah SWT.
And this is what He wants.
He tests you not to punish you. But He
tests you to strengthen that relationship in your life that you need the most.
The relationship with Allah SWT.
These are just three benefits of trials and tribulations and
this is the first step in changing our perception with how we deal with the
trials and tribulations. These trials and tribultions in this world are limited.
And nothing. When an individual understands this, he will be able to surpass
and succumb everything. You just have to change your perception. On how you
view those trials and tribulations.
Allah never takes away anything from his slave except that
he replaces it with something better either in this life or the hereafter...
There is always a lovely way to look at things, you know?
There is nothing we can do to change destiny. But destiny....its beautiful. Written by the One whose amazing plans so far we couldn't fathom. And so will be the future: Far so uncertain, yet surely to be as beautiful and perfectly inscribed in the books just as our beautiful past was.
So if we had to move on from a perfect phase of life, then alhamdulillah for having had that blessing in the first place.
Its a bit comforting to realize the blessing of having met beautiful souls in the first place, in order to overcome the grief of separation. This blessing in itself is a sign to hope to cross paths again or meet more beautiful souls along the way...The only pain lies in knowing it wont be the same again n that you don't want to move on...yet isn't most of our pain self chosen? Everything lies in His hands, except choice. Only we can chose to lessen the pain. By being content with Him in our hearts. Being content with His love and care for us. Leave behind the dunya and walk to Him. He will come running to us. He promised that. And that unconditional love, is beyond all needs. :')
One by one Allah just keeps sending us tests slowly only to make us stronger. And none but He actually even helps us through it! One by one He takes those people in your hearts away from you. Not so much but atleast a little away. So what remains first, in it, is Him.
It was always about going back to Him. Every seeming test.. And when we face it and come out if it as a better being, an inch more closer to Him, rather than running away, then only we have hopefully passed it.
There is always a lovely way to look at things.
And we cannot ever thank Him enough for guiding us the way He does. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal.
She said to me with tears in her eyes, that she feels like she was unconscious for three years. Completely lost and forgot who she really was. Her dreams weren't the same anymore. And she didn't think of things the same way anymore.
Shocked at my colleague's reflection of our college life, I stare at her in awe. Of trying to understand how the same world that has completely changed me. A world and the same place that helped me find myself in the past three years, completely eluded her. Knowing the amazing, fun loving, creative and ever so dreamy and adventurous person she is, I was amazed she saw nothing in her but the feeling of not being good enough for anything.
"It's not anyone. It's just me." "It's who I am" "I'm just so sure of myself that I'm not worth it"
One out of every five friends I have has said this statement.
:(
This world is so cruel in the way it moulds our mind.
Yes. After years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I now learnt that all the while it wasn't me, but the world itself. This cruel world.
That tells you to join a school that kills your creativity. That tells you to shut up when you know the answer. That pops your bubble when you tried to see happiness in small things. That tells you, you simply aren't good enough.
That teaches you that success is more important than the effort. Victory is better than courage.
That giving up means losing. And letting go means giving up.
WRONG. I repeat. This cruel world is messed up.
Most often, we don’t realize that the source of our happiness has been in the outcomes of any effort. Now, when suddenly the outcomes just don’t seem to match our expectations, no matter how hard we try, internally we just don’t feel happy. We don’t feel satisfied. Instead, we feel demotivated, and like a complete failure.
Yet, Often we forget- excellence is the only thing by and for which we were created. Nothing less. By default, excellence and success is what our heritage is.If only we can see it, even when everything around us seems otherwise..
We really need to unlearn a lot of things this world taught us, and learn to live life ourselves. We need to re-find the us in us.
When Allah swt has Himself said He has created us perfectly, what is it about ourselves that we are allowed to complain about then?
Our character, our shape, our color, our thoughts- what belongs so much to us? He has moulded everything. And If Excellence is what Allah says it is, then excellence it is.
So forget what the world has claimed you to be. Go write that beautiful article. Because your vocabulary doesnt matter. Your expression does. Go paint your wall. It will have a meaning, a story and a part of you in it. Go speak up. Because if you don't, noone will. Dare to do the brave things. Trust me you will lose nothing. So apply for admissions to harvard. Build that business you have dreamt of establishing. Make that art gallery dream come true. Tell people proudly what's your cgpa and let them know how successful your semester was, despite your cgpa that the world thought must be flat 4. Turn a deaf ear to those who mock you. Stay with those who let you be yourself.
Don't let anyone be the judge of your potential. Not even yourself.
If you let the world mould you, it will, without doubt. But if you change your perspective, it cannot do anything.
So she captured a moment today. Not in her DSLR. Not in her phone's camera.
In her heart and her mind.
The moment where a faithful, hopeful one sat behind a pillar and prayed.
Prayed until she knew she was to be granted what she asked for, for sure.
The carpet that was wet, but it wasn't the one that wept
The concrete column in front, but wasn't stronger than her faith
That hopeful heart...for her wishes and dreams to come true
That grateful soul...for all the dreams she's so far been through...
She captured it. And when her heartfelt pleas to Allah are answered, she will remember it and see it again...
So she wishes to go back in time to unlearn it all, simply because of the joy in learning...
But the pain of knowing all of some things pulls her back to want to stop...
So can she stop this world for a bit please and first learn how to go on?
Or shall she step over fears and walk over broken bridges and just make it to the end that never ends but keeps going on?
It happened to Musa AS when he stood facing the sea ahead
with an army behind to get him. He had nowhere to go when the sea
parted and made way for him.
It happened to Yunus AS when he prayed in the belly of the fish;
he came out alive and safe.
It happened for Prophet SAW when the moon split open.
It happened to Ibrahim AS when he witnessed Allah SWT give
life back to the dead birds.
These are the bigger examples. There are innumerable
instances from the lives of innumerable people of the past that one could go
on. But why go on, if we don’t take it to ourselves. Isn’t it a miracle in
itself for Musa AS to be protected and brought up safely by his own enemy?
These are Prophets I am talking about. But they were humans
as much as we are.
I have come to realize that Allah SWT narrates these
examples
to us not just for our entertainment, but for us to comprehend the
deeper meaning behind it.
How much do I have faith in Allah SWT in asking Him for a
miracle in my life? When Ibrahim AS knew he was going to be thrown into the
fire, wasn’t it very idealistic of him to say ‘Hasbun Allahu wa ni’mal wakeel’?
Yet, for that simple reason, Allah SWT ordered the laws of the universe to
change and made the fire to be 'safety for him'. [Allah said, "O fire, be coolness and safety upon Ibrahim." Quran, 21:69]
Some miracles can be logical and some just wont. The rainbow is a miracle. And one can scientifically explain it. On the other hand, the splitting of the moon is a miracle, but how much can one explain it...
Having faith in Allah SWT empowers one and strengthens us
to not bend down or lose hope. How much has it remained this way in our lives?
'Dua: Ya Allah whatever You have written for me please make easy for me and let my heart stay away from that which you have not destined for me. Ameen!" :')
Translation: 'It is said that beautiful dreams come true with Dua'
A question: If I couldn't see tomorrow..
what would I have longed to see?
If I couldn't see tomorrow
I would yearn to see my mother's smile
while I pressed her feet..
And would long to see my fathers laughter
while I joked to him..
If I couldn't see tomorrow
I would cry and wish to read more books
I would want to write and learn and paint and beautify my walls
If my eyes went blind tomorrow
I would have wanted that one last look into the mirror
To see myself without any complaints
I'd know that it was always an image, while what looked at it was a soul
If my eyes went blind tomorrow
I would miss the sky's cerulean blue and the cloud's white shapes
A blue scarf or a turquoise- it wouldn't have mattered to me
What would have mattered would be my Hijab in its place
If I couldn't see tomorrow
I would tell every friend of mine
That I still thought they were beautiful in their own ways
And to some of them I'd say
Being themselves was the best they were
If I couldn't see tomorrow,
I would have wished to have been careful with my gaze
While I had the chance
I would have wished to make the best of everything I had
If my eyes went blind tomorrow
I would have known how it felt to see
I would know how it felt to not
And I would know...that you can't blind me
After You had shown me the light
If my eyes went blind tomorrow
If darkness was my only light
If light, felt forgotten..
If my name just became a sympathy
If my dreams just remained dreams
I would know that yesterday I could have seen
and now my eyes just went blind.
So maybe I would have lived life to the fullest
Even when I have lost my sight
Then why wait for all that until I couldn't see?
Question: what would you do if you weren't afraid?
Me: I'd love.
I wanted to tell you how it felt to feel infinity wen I floated in the sea.
Thought i would hold your hands and we'd feel it together
I would tell you of the diving against the tide
Of the sky n sea ahead
Of the sunset above the horizon
Of the pink shade above the clouds..
Of peace in being able to hear nothing but my breathing while i floated and looked up at the blue..
I would tell you about the dreams I saw of gardens and flowers in them..and of waves and beautiful fishes in them and of palaces and my repeated dreams of them.
And then I would tell you of those dreams that came true.
I would think of you in my roadtrips and hoped you loved them too.
I wanted to sing to you sometimes. And sometimes I wished you were there to sing to me.
I would walk by the shore..leaving trails of my footsteps and wished they were accompanied by yours soon.
I would race with you and know I'd win. ;)
I sat by the rocks and drew a picture of you and me but the waves washed it away.i wished to tell you a million things more while you are sitting by my side.
I hoped you would hold my hands and promise to take me forever. I simply wish I could talk to you of the simplest of things in life. I simply hoped to find a companion in you.
I wish I knew who you were. And then again I wonder if you ever wished the same too.
One thing is for sure. I will teach my children differently.
They will be happy for real. They will find joy in their own way.
They will have the freedom to choose. They will travel the world with me. Or maybe
on their own too. They will explore. They will not be given ipods and ipads
until they know they have grown up. They will feel the sand in the beach; the
shore and the sea. They will play in the playgrounds. They will have quality
time with family. They will speak openly anything and everything to me. They
will have a mutual best friend in their family. They will know to fight for
their sister. They will paint their walls if they want to. They will make
sandcastles. They will fly kites. They will go cycling and skating. They will learn to say 'i love you' and 'Sorry' a lot more. They will know that actions speak more than those words. They will learn to cuddle, to hug and to feel love for real. They will
learn that Quran is their guide. They will have to turn to it at all times. They
will see to stand up to the Sunnah even if it meant to stand alone. I will
learn to realize they can grow up to make decisions. They can be on their own
as long as they are trusted. They can fall in love as long as they are honest
and committed. They will see the ups in life. They will also see the downs.
They will learn to give wholeheartedly. They will learn to receive humbly. They
will learn to buy gifts. They will learn to make their own hobbies. They will learn to bake. They will
learn to gain knowledge and not just educational degrees. They will choose
their own struggles. They will fight their own battles. They will know about
writing letters. Messages in a bottle will be their own. They will visit their
grandparents often. They will learn to sew if they’d like their own dresses.
They will learn to write if they’d want to read more. They will make their own
library at home. They will learn to lead prayers. They will learn to teach.
They will learn to make mistakes. They will learn to learn. They will learn to get scared. They will learn to be strong. They will learn to complain. They will learn to forgive. Most of all, they
will learn the insignificance of this life. Yet they will learn to be concerned when they need to be.They will learn to connect to Allah alone. They will learn to ask from Him. They will learn to let go.
They will learn to live life to the fullest. They will
perhaps live a part of my life. And perhaps they will live a lot more!
but they remember everything. They forget appointments and anniversaries, but remember what you wore, how you smelled, on your first date… They remember every story you’ve ever told them - like ever, but forget what you’ve just said. They don’t remember to water the plants or take out the trash, but they don’t forget how to make you laugh.
Writers are forgetful because they’re busy remembering the important things."
"Where do you go when you really want to express your feelings and there isn't anyone who would talk to you?", she asked.
'I write' i replied.
"How still, do you feel you have expressed yourself?"
'When you write a piece, you have lost a part of you. Given it to the paper. Sometimes its read. Sometimes its taken away by the one you intended to write if for. Taken away and fixed into their soul', I replied.
'When you write..you release a part of you into the paper. To be read by the world that would have never known what was within you.
I know I would never know who reads, but I also know that if I write praying the intended ones to read, then Allah would somehow take it to them..so I write and say a million things to them in my head.'
In painful peace I bleed
Only You see my cry
Yet in Your creation I have greed..
But only You can help me try
I look around and try so hard
To fill my heart with peace
To fill this void with love
I turn away and run from You
Yet there is no refuge from You except in You
I run away and I look for happiness
In temporary joy I float...
I hold on to it and hold it tight
But it just leaves me alone
Most of my pain is self chosen
If I could, I should chose to let go
Of the poison in my drink
Of the attachment I linger in
So forgotten I feel..
So insignificant I seem..
Perhaps my aim was mistaken
Perhaps I searched in the wrong places
You honored me with Your gift
Yet, too long it took me to see it.
I crushed the flower You gifted me
Yet, still I live with its essence in my hands
I stay with hope to feel touched
By the promise You made was true
I wander around, I pray desperately
In shattered hope of getting back to You
You said You'll run to me if I walk to You
But what if I'm still crawling?
If crawling lets me bend down, fall on my knees
Then to You I bow begging
"Give up! Its futile to try!" My mind says
Yet, still..my heart talks to me,
"A little effort goes a long way"
It stirs some hope in me
Shall I hang on?
To this rope of hope, so thin.
As long as You are at the other end of it.
Painful is my sorrow
Peaceful is my hope
In painful peace I bleed
And only You see me cry
All I have to do is try All I had to do was try..
Note: The flower here refers to Islam. Gifted by Allah.
Night it was, but the land seemed to love her bare feet
The sky, like a huge blanket of harmony
The path like a vast carpet of victory...
Nobody is around so she opens her veil
Taking the chance, a chill breeze kisses her soft pink cheeks
She searches for play and looks around with hope
And Swiftly hears the winds play with her hair
Again, she stares at the dark starlit sky
One by one, they all wave 'Hi!'
She ogles at the unending pathway
The road just lights up with each tree pass by
She felt like singing so she revealed her secrets to the
wind
The birds sang back to her, almost as if they understood her
so well
She yearned and prayed for her dreams to come true
Looks around and sees,
Isn't she a part of
someone else's dream too?
Hope stirs in her glee
Love makes her, with joy,
flee
Happiness engulfs her all along
Her sorrow lingers yet the cheerfulness overpowers it
A forgotten memory faded away with her soft song
Far across the street, a sweet music she hears
The song of peace, the song of a lullaby
It felt like the road recorded her delicate steps
That the birds sang for her all along so passionately
That the crescent moon smiled at her so gently
While the stars watched over her with so much intent
So she rejoiced at her own company
Yes, She bled readily and gladly
At the pain of knowing too much love
She walked along the lonely street
And realized she wasn't really alone at all.
[Deeper than whats written. Has a long story, almost like an entire life story behind it, with beautiful lessons learnt along the way]
I have better beautiful pictures of the same road.
But this is the picture taken exactly when this piece was felt.
But somehow i cant do justice to the feeling, with my words. :(
As I reach closer to my goal, I realize my heart is racing
faster away from it. The more close I go towards it, the more I do not want the
end to come. I question myself why every moment I can possibly think. Perhaps
what my goal was wasn’t intended to please the Almighty in the first place?
Perhaps my heart doesn’t feel at peace with the many compromises I am making to
achieve what I imagined to be right? Perhaps I didn’t make the right decisions
in the first place? Perhaps…
I do not know what decision to make. What should have been
and what has been isn’t under my control. That’s all I know for now. But what
can be now depends upon the decision I make now. I am wedged up in a maze. Or
to put it in better words, I am facing a fork in the road. And there is no one
who can help me chose the right way except Him, because there is no one
standing here facing the fork. I stand here alone wanting to traverse both the
roads that lie ahead of me. But both go far ahead and apart from each other.
Two different roads. Two different journeys. One little
heart.
I wish and I desire and I hope and I want real badly from
the deepest core of my heart that He comes down to me and guides me to the road
He wants me to take.
As the clock tick every second, my heart races faster to a
feeling of deep discomfort. More fearful. More sad. More scared. More lost.
I learnt a lot of new different things in this trip to India...
I learnt patience from khala and didi watching them handle their impossibly pesty little kids...
I saw respect when my jeeju sat for two hours straight just listening to his really old aged mother speak and speak without a pause in their first re-union after five years...
I recognized the blessing of youth and being fully alive by looking at grandma and the age on her face and walk...
I learnt that any place is a place to play and be happy as long as its in my mind, from my nieces who would make anything an item of play and any place a playground...
I learnt that the moon will always be visible under the palm tree in my balcony if I keep watching it from the same spot. The view changes only if I change my perspective of looking at things...
I learnt to slow down..and take life as it comes...and be calm with everything from all the elderly people there :)
Mom and dad will never ask for help but will be delighted if I am at service to them...and a warm smile and some massage for their feet goes a long way into their hearts..
I learnt that calling my five year old niece a princess, makes her day! :)
I learnt that building sand castles with the kids are the most beautiful memories I can make out of sand in my backyard...
I learnt that because I will never know who reads and who will read my posts, I will keep writing..
I learnt that every day i thought of my parents...but whenever i went back home,they looked much different than the last time i saw them when I left them- more lines on their face, their limbs getting weaker, their memory not so sharp..n they talk much less n listen even less... On the same note, they seem much more content..n a bit more happy for the little things in life hamdulillah..
I cherished my dads smile. He has the best smile in the whole world!
I loved having three brothers(in-laws) and all my sisters and my parents at home. I learnt that family time is the BEST of blessings one can have.
I learnt that kids will love me if I pay attention to them and play and giggle with them...
I learnt that happiness multiplies...when I share love.
I learnt a lot more that's in my heart and I learnt that I still want to learn more... ;)
I remember all those wonderful memories. I remember I locked myself up in my room and cried my heart to You. I remember You woke me up when I really wanted to pray to You and my alarm clock crashed. I remember those days when I asked you something and you gave it to me the very next possible moment. I remember crying on the prayer mat simply because I finally felt at peace praying. I remember feeling cared for when I didn't deserve it.
Now, I feel lonely all of a sudden. I thought I missed my best friends. But, no, not really. I can't feel better after talking to them. I thought I missed my parents. But now they are right here. I thought I needed a break. But I'm IN a break. And this loneliness. Is only getting worse.
3:00 AM.
And I don't feel the essence of you being here anymore. I can't sleep. But I can't feel the sweetness in standing up and asking You for Your love. :'(
I know why I feel lonely. I miss You. I miss when You comforted me for the littlest of things. I miss feeling happy. I miss You.
And I know that nothing can ever bring me back to You, except You.I will keep trying. Until I can cry my heart to You and feel Your embrace.
A ride under the crescent moon sky..
Something about going back home gets me all emotional..
It may not be the most comfortable ride or a smooth road even, yet if u keep ur eyes open...u can see a lot of beautiful things.
U see humility wen fences made of dried leaves pass u. Wen goats n cows cross ur path n the busdriver almost trips u down braking the vehicle to save their lives.
Yu see love..when the calf drinks from its mother...wen a newly wed hold hands n get into the cafe...wen an old grandpa shares his drink with the old grandma...wen dad addresses mom as 'd'ey!!' like shes a little kid...
U see beauty..wen u look at the dark cerulean sky decorated with stars far across and high above painted with a crescent moon..when ur niece spins with joy simply because yu said she was yur princess :)
U see happiness..wen u see an old man enter his tattered house n hug his wife n give her his earnings for the day..wen his children leave their toys and run n jump over him n hug him...
U see contentment..wen u hear laughter..from a house that merely looks like a house but for sure is someones home...
U see curiosity n excitement wen u cant view the afar..due to the darkness of the pitch black night..
Sometimes, All you need to do is break that box that got built up in your head and break freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Anis n me went bunjee jumping. We screamed first. and then hugged mid-air. And then felt the wind on our face. And then right when we were sure to hit the water, we bounced bck up again.
Mid air, all I could do was talk to Allah saying- ' Ya Allah, if you could tick this of my dream list, you can tick off ALL of them too!!' ;)
Sigh. It felt awesome.
Anis n me screamed like our brothers and laughed about it- 'OOHHOOOOOOO!!' and 'لول
and more....haha!
When we were hanging upside down, we only laughed our heads off instead of screaming.
hehe, So i was sitting in the bus stop. and it was time for the bus to leave back to university.
People came running to catch the bus. I just sat there, and didnt take the bus. Simply coz it wasn't interesting enough. =D
I just decided to wait for the next one. So what if it seemed strange? So what if I didn't follow the norm?
Sometimes, its good to just break free, And let your mind and heart freeeeeeeeee. Come out of that little box. =)
This world is worth nothing man! BREAAAK FREEEEEE!!! =)
People all around are in a rush. I paused for half an
hour and just sat to watch. That guy in blue checked shirt is enjoing his own sweet
time with his date. Even though these two sisters are immersed in their smart
phones, they manage to finish their food and look at each other and make a supplication
together. There is a grey haired Chinese man who just smiled at his wife and
gave her a piece of cake. I caught their son watching me, perhaps he is wondering how I'd eat with my face covered. :D
A really pretty girl in her golden hijab just smiled with so
much shyness at someone I can’t see. The couple next to me seem so sweet. He
bought her a slice of cake and is just smilingly watch her eat. Two girls sit
far in the opposite end, laughing at each other’s entertainment. Both lost in
their little world.
If only I had a bit more money, I would have definitely paid
a treat for this Chinese family sitting by my side. I respect that they value
family time. I respect that none of them are busy in their own conversations. I
took a few minutes to write to myself and then I cried. Coz I just saw that
love still exists in this world that I hate. I guess coz I just saw it in them.
So beautiful how the father just finished his food, and his wife just passed
her plate to him for him to help her finish. There wasn’t any conversation. Not
any word. Just one look. Of love. :)
She then just smiled and said something in Chinese to her
son and they all smiled. Ah How I miss my mother’s smile! So much warmth! :(
How strange can it be, to be in a world that is beautiful,
and yet so painful?
I stood up to pay a treat for them and leave anonymously…but
I won’t tell you if I did it ;)
You know why?
I found out, they were celebrating their son’s birthday.. :’)
How I wish I had taken a picture of them!!
My journal where I originally wrote the above account...
All we need is to believe in Him more. Most often, we don’t
realize that the source of our happiness has been in the outcomes of any effort.
Now, when suddenly the outcomes just don’t seem to match our expectations, no
matter how hard we try, internally we just don’t feel happy. We don’t feel
satisfied. Instead, we feel demotivated, and like a complete failure.
I should believe in Allah. (In Abeer’s words) What I mean by
that is that often we forget- excellence is the only thing by and for which we
were created. Nothing less. By default, excellence and success is what our
heritage is.
If only we can see it, even when everything around us seems
otherwise..
Because often, reality is not what is seen, but that which
is hidden. That’s what trust is, That’s what Belief is.
I guess. And I hope. I really really hope.
Dua- ‘O Allah, guide me to see happiness and contentment in
what You decree for me, and please decree the Best of Your gifts for me’
Everyday, as I go through my list of dreams that I aim to fulfill in life, I only get more and more scared.
I had put away thoughts of marriage. Coz It isn't my priority right now. But...it hit me hard that it will come when it has to come right? :(
The thought scares me more than anything else. Will I find the perfect someone? Who will let me grow. Someone who will read my dream list and say he aimed to tread the same path too..
Should I go on with hopes in my dreams? Yes. Will I get the perfect someone. I don't know.
The only thought that keeps me going is that while Allah SWT has planned my life so beautifully so far, so He would have, for my future too.
Can I just be me and still see you in me?
Wouldn't you let me be your silent sunshine? And in the nights when I cry, I know I'm heard by You. So there is nothing else I can ever ask for.
Its so beautiful to see people grow in their fondness towards Allah...
At the same time, it pains to see the same reflection over the mirror for the past few years,same face, same soul, while the others have moved on and become better beings day by day (masha'Allah for them).
Step up Sameera!!
Dua- 'Ya Allah, make me an extra-ordinary slave of yours!'
'I was a dying flame on the edge of paper until you came along as the most gentle breeze and reignited my soul, your soft touch breathed the vibrance back into me and I began to glow again, this time with the hope of forever providing you with warmth.'
It's just so beautiful to see birds on the green grass. Hearing them tweet and sing and watching them jump up and down...Little do we realize, that their place does not lie within our grounds..but by the skies, the clouds and the winds that carry their song..Yeap, that's where they fit...
Makes me wonder...If I hate this world, where do I fit then?
